Weariness In Doing (Part 2 of 4)

All of us know what being tired is like. Kids, work, school, church and other activities can completely drain us. Being tired is one thing, but weary is different and much worse. When I was first injured not much changed, I continued to do me and at full speed. As more was revealed, treatments, medication & surgeries my role in life began to change. My  identity was wrapped up in doing, not being who God created and called me to be. After surgeries and long recovery times and all of the craziness, I became more and more depleted. If you are like me, you completely shut down. It’s in these moments I lock myself away, try to sleep and provide me with something that it’s not able to provide.Physically, spiritually and mentally my body literally began to shut down. My body began to fight against itself, which caused me to have a 3 week hospital stay. I felt if I couldn’t serve, do and go then what’s the point. I found myself in an identity crisis. While I was in the hospital God did something amazing, He sent people. People I hadn’t seen in years and those I didn’t even know came to see me or were praying for me. God sent and army of prayer warriors that did battle for me when I couldn’t. By this time The Lord had shown me that I wouldn’t let others stand with me, or help me. I thought it would make me look like a wimp. This could not be further from the truth, there is great strength resting in Him and letting others do battle on the front lines for you. I began to learn, rest does not come in sleeping more. It is not in being alone. Rest is not passive but active and full of faith. It requires us to sit before the Lord and lay our desires before Him. We all at some point get to the place of being weary. The question becomes what do we do once we find ourselves there. Here are a few things I find to be helpful:
  1. Share with a friend.Walk through it with them. It’s amazing how haring some simple thoughts or weariness can unclog your heart.
  2. Dump it. Look over your schedule, cut whatever you can to set you free. Even the smallest changes can be a breath of fresh air when the pressure has raised to the point of discomfort.
  3. Sit before the Lord. In the middle of my weariness, I’m often tempted to distract myself with “busy” work. I can turn my brain off and check out as opposed to being refreshed by Him. The problem is, the weariness always returns. However, grabbing my Bible, a cup of coffee and wrap up in a blanket in my cozy chair is just what the doctor ordered. Even as I sit I can sense my energy returning. Spending time sharing with the Lord, listening and reading His word always fills my heart up. Most of all I need to grab some scripture that I can hold onto and bury in my heart.
Next time you find yourself weary, remember you do not have to walk through it alone. Matthew 11:28New International Version (NIV) 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Galatians 6:9New International Version (NIV) 9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”


The Process Part 1: Battle Wounds (1 of 4)

For a couple of years now I have been on the journey of healing from multiple injuries due to a bootcamp workout. During the process of healing I’ve had multiple surgeries, injections, medications and countless hours of physical therapy. This has been a painful, emotional & taxing journey with each step revealing more along the way. From the start of my journey to healing I had many rules, orders, medications & suggestions to follow. In my stubbornness, I did my best to follow them but refused to ask for help along the way. I could do it. I’ve got this thing. All the while claiming I am healed in Jesus Name & having an attitude of I’ve got this on my own.Clearly, I wasn’t fully letting God in much less anyone else to assist me along the way. Having the best of intentions, I decided I did not want to bother anyone with what I was walking through. I didn’t need help, this is just a little bump in the road. I’m pretty sure this is pride in reverse & God is not the center of walking thru this mess. The intent was right, but the way I carried it out wasn’t. I carried this thought process for well over a year, I have a stubborn streak to the core. During this time I had 2 boots & 2 casts to heal 5 fractures, the muscles & tendons I separated. I’ve gone through 2 sets of crutches, a wheel chair and 2 surgeries. It’s shocking how much I made myself do while wearing casts & being on crutches. I drug that cast all over the place while standing on one leg. While in the boots I continued to do a modified workout.I refused to look weak or not be able to do something on my own. None of  which being doctors orders by the way. It was my way of masking my wounds & not wanting to stop, take the time & focus on what was needed to heal. The injuries to our heart are very similar,they hurt to our core & deep to the heart. We prefer to say things like I’m fine or it will be ok. In life when we are wounded by hurt, fear or rejection we can only cover it up for so long. The wounds will show up in places in our lives, relationships, jobs & family. The wounds in our lives mean as much to God as the healed places in our hearts. God’s heart is, let’s take a look at this and go deeper.Let me in & heal the parts of your heart that have been broken & damaged. After the bones & muscles healed I still had pain. This pain was a knife stabbing kind of pain in my heel. After what I had been through I did not want another doctor’s appointment. I did not want to be touched, looked at, tests ran or share my story with anyone. I was simply over it all, I wanted to be normal again. The problem was, I still needed to go deeper to find the root of the problem & pain. Just like what the doctors wanted to do, God does in our lives. The pain had been masked by pain medications, so I couldn’t tell I was still injured. We often mask the wounds in our hearts with anger, insecurity, resentment, bitterness, or by cracking jokes often at the expense of others. God loves us too much to leave us wounded & broken. My doctors followed the road of pain from my injury with all roads leading to the nerves in my back.  I had many tests and the results led to a blown back with my sciatic nerve trapped. I was in so much pain and was so miserable. Like the root was to my injury, so is the root to the wounds in our hearts. I had compensated so much that I’d strained muscles & over worked parts of my body. Hearts that are wounded overused, strained & compensate by using substances, people & exhaust all we have to give. I began a 13 month painful treatment of epidural spinal injections & medications. This was an attempt to treat the problem instead of fixing the problem.  Just like the doctors trying to treat a problem we also do with our hearts. We love to treat our wounds & mask them when they really need healed. I had to make the choice to have back surgery and trust the surgeon. The surgeon had to go to the root of the problem. I knew it would be painful & I wouldn’t be able to do things on my own. I would cry and show emotions which I prefer not to do. However, I made the choice to no longer function at 60%, I wanted to be healed to 100%. Often we choose not to look at the wounds in our hearts because it’s messy and we have zero control.  God says, “I want to live in your heart.” He wants to heal your wounds, hurts & brokenness. Yes, it can be a messy & we will have emotions we prefer to hide that will come out. BUT GOD! But God will walk with us, live inside of us & hold our hearts in His hands. When we choose to let go we become free & healing can begin. Just like we have to do with our hearts, I had to do with my recovery & healing. I wanted to be free of crutches and a wheel chair. I had to decide to trust the doctors & the process towards healing. When we let go physically of what is holding us back and begin to trust the process, our healing can begin & heal the battle wounds in our life.